The beginnings of addiction are usually rooted in childhood. Children often grow up in chaotic, hostile or neglectful homes or in homes that appear very normal except the children grow up emotionally starved for love because affection is rarely expressed. Real or imagined rejection by a parent or primary care-giver leads to the child erroneously blaming themselves and concluding that there is something wrong with them. That they are “not good enough” or “pretty enough” or “smart enough”, “too fat”, “too thin” or some other negative evaluation of themselves. When a child does this they are no longer able to show their real self because they are somehow “not good enough”. The pain of this rejection is not something the child knows how to cope with on their own.

Children at this stage of their emotional development are very much emotionally dependent upon their parents and so if this relationship is damaged (real or imagined) the child becomes stuck in their emotional development. For emotional development to take place the environment needs to be one of unconditional acceptance. In the absence of unconditional acceptance a child’s emotional development will be thwarted or stunted. Stuck in this place of emotional dependence, the child as it grows up will shift their dependency off the parents on to other people, places and things developing a script for life which is entitled “I’ll be whoever I think you need me to be”. So begins the journey of escape and co-dependency through the addictive cycle.

Usually the earliest form of escape is into fantasy. Children have very fertile imaginations and can create all manner of new realities in their minds and escape into them. It is a very effective form of mood altering when you don’t have words to express how you are feeling. From here the pathway into full blown addiction is many and varied. Here are but a few:

• Achievement / Performance
• Approval / acceptance / body image
• Illicit & prescription drugs
• Alcohol / Nicotine / caffeine
• Lust / sex / falling in love
• Pornography in all forms
• Relationships / people
• Work / busyness / collecting / hoarding
• Sickness / sadness / negativity
• Computer games / Internet chat rooms
• TV / entertainment
• Adrenaline / excitement / extreme sports
• Anger / rage / power / control / self righteousness
• Fantasy / daydreaming / romantic fantasy
• Food / chocolate / sugar
• Knowledge / music / reading books
• Money / gambling / financial risk taking
• Religion / religious works
• Health tablets / fitness
• Shopping / window shopping