For the relationship partner of a sexual
addict, it can be a painful process experiencing the
powerlessness of the addict’s out of control behavior. Whether
the partner is male or female or the relationship is heterosexual,
gay or lesbian, the dynamics are the same. That is, the
partner may not know what the addict is involved in, but
they do know something is amiss. If the partner tries to
discuss their feelings of uncertainty and confusion with
the addict, they will usually deny adamantly that anything
is happening. Often the addict will tell their partner
that they are imagining things, and that everything’s
all right. The primary dynamic here is a denial of the
partner’s feelings.
If, on the other hand, the partner has found out that
the addict is acting out sexually and confronts them,
the addict may attack their partner, telling them that
if they were not so (demanding, withholding, out of
touch with the times, etc.) there would be no problem.
The primary dynamic here is that the partner or co-addict
somehow is to blame for the addict’s behavior. Either way, nothing changes.
Most partners describe these processes as “confusing”, “making
me feel crazy”, and “I don’t know what
truth is and what a lie is”.
